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Mother to One

I admire the mom at Costco pushing a cart holding twin babies with two more young children in tow. Kudos to the dad walking down my street with a baby strapped to his chest, a three and five year old beside him and two dogs on a leash. They give me perspective. I see them and think “wow, how do you do it?” Even as a single mom, which has its share of perks and drawbacks, I’m not outnumbered. It’s one on one – Mommy and Leia.

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Then I read this and it struck a deep chord. To The Mother With Only One Child. I first saw it on my Facebook newsfeed but forgot to bookmark it. I spent a good 20 minutes searching key words from memory until I found it again.

To become a mother, I had to learn how to care about someone more than I did about myself, and that was terrible.  But who I am now is something more terrible:  the protector who can’t always protect; the one with arms that are designed to hold, always having to let go.

Dear mother of only one child, don’t blame yourself for thinking that your life is hard.  You’re suffering now because you’re turning into a new woman, a woman who is never allowed to be alone.  For what?  Only so that you can become strong enough to be a woman who will be left.

When I had only one child, she was so heavy.  Now I can see that children are as light as air.  They float past you, nudging against you like balloons as they ascend.

Dear mother, don’t worry about enjoying your life.  Your life is hard; your life will be hard.  That doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong—it means you’re doing it right.

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