I’m trying to catch up on writing in Leia’s baby book – you know, before she goes to college. Tucked in between the pages I found a note I wrote January 14, 2010. I was 12 weeks pregnant (or 10? not sure and I’m too lazy to check). I was still in shock over becoming a Mom. It was a rocky time, I was stressed about my relationship with Mike. We weren’t going to be together. I was going to stay in San Diego, move into my own apartment, and raise a child as a single Mom. He was going to stay in Orange County, living with friends in his bachelor pad, and visit the baby on weekends. Lost and confused was an understatement. A part of my heart was broken for the child that I couldn’t provide a “stable” home for. But I knew that I loved this little person, fiercely.
“This week I realized I am never alone. Even if I can’t feel you move, and my belly hasn’t grown, you’re with me. Instead of feeling overwhelmed at the impending responsibility, I’m delighted in the idea of sharing life’s experiences with you. Watching your heartbeat today brought me so much joy, a renewed sense of hope, of love. I promise do my best to provide you with the best life possible. Not one free of struggle, which is how we learn empathy and strength. Instead, a life you enjoy exploring in, one you love and laugh in, one you feel safe and secure in. There are so many things I cherish when I look back at the last 28 years of my life: cooking with my Grandma, watching movies with my Mom, camping with my Dad, playing in the backyard with my brother and sister, friendships that have stood the test of time, finding and losing love, going to college, traveling in Europe and South America, pets that became family members, adventures close to home, finding faith in myself. But I know nothing will compare to how you change my life. And for that, I love you already. – Your Mom”